Not only is the feeling of jealousy not conducive for relationship building and effective communication, but it just doesn’t feel very good. Why do we put ourselves through it?
Out of all the emotions humans show, jealousy is one of the most common and unsettling one. It tends to bring out the worst in us, even though most of us know better. It's an age-old problem, having been recorded since biblical times, and no doubt experienced even before that. And it's not limited to humans, either. Even wild animals like chimpanzees and elephants exhibit jealous tendencies. Jealousy is a common trait, but why do some people have no control over it. Why does it take over their livelihood, I have seen jealousy control people and the results are scary.
We develop styles of thinking based upon our learning experiences, our parents' thinking and societal/community beliefs and expectations. I have seen many ruin their careers, relationships. This has even led to imposing bodily harm and even murder.
If jealousy impacts humans negatively, then why do we continue to behave this way? Cultural psychologists tend to believe that humans are inherently jealous, simply because our jobs, relationships and material goods mean a lot to us, and we don't want to lose them. A popular misconception about jealousy is that it is the same as envy. In fact, the feeling of envy refers to wanting something that someone else has, such as a fast car or a house, more money, better job. Jealousy, however, is more aptly described as the fear of losing something (a lover, promotion, friend, etc.) to someone else. "Jealousy is an anticipatory emotion. It seeks to prevent loss. Jealousy causes us to take precautionary measures. Should those fail a new situation arouses anger, depression, disappointment, and so on."
Jealousy and Envy are closely related but jealousy is usually when you wish you had something someone else has got (a pay rise, a plum project, a promotion) and envy is when you haven’t got it and when you wish they hadn’t either. (Envy is about feeling inferior, wishing you had got what others have, being resentful, and wishing ill-will to others. It also tends to be more about being competitive)
However, all too often, people believe that their negative thinking is realistic. Therefore, they need to be able to evaluate it and determine how to look at the problem more realistically. The two main problematic areas of negative thinking are negative evaluation whether of yourself, others, or the situation and negative labeling of yourself or others.
In a workplace, jealousy can be the fear of disrespect from our peers and subordinates (“if He/she is better than me, or will I will be replaced. will he do better than me”) thus feeling infer-ere. In a business, the fear of loss in sales, customer’s staff and specially bankruptcy; are some of the main causes.
The following are methods to help reduce and eliminate this negative thought pattern:
· Fully experience the feeling
· Love yourself -
· Stop comparing
· Find out what’s threatening you?
· Write it out –
· Be realistic
· Find your inner strength
· Shift your focus
· Is this what we want for ourselves?”
